Perserverence Part II

This is in reference to the post on Nov 11.

Let's imagine we're running a long distance race (21 km) instead of a marathon (42 km, in order to get to the finish line won't we have to push ourselves and tell our body and mind that we can do it? We will sum up the energy and courage to complete the race trying to finish within a certain number or timing. When we achieve that, we feel elated and tell ourselves "I've done it, YES!" Certainly that involves plenty of time, dedicated practice, pain and courage.

Let's put that into our marriages context - isn't this a race too that we want to run till the end? But why is it that most couples take the easy way out of breaking up upon onset of few misunderstanding? Instead of ironing out the differences, we provoke and hurt each other further, eventually imploding within ourselves and forget about how we actually took time to build the strong foundation of togetherness before. Goals built together seem so distant now and eventually falls apart.

I'm sure all of us love our other half just as ourselves. Let's use that time, dedicated practice, pain and courage to see & work out to the completion of this wonderful journey we were committed to initially.

Gratitude

Most of us would take for granted what our spouses have done for us. Worst still, some of us keep a tab on the good things we've done for our spouses and expect similar in return. How about just do it wholeheartedly & freely since you're doing it for your other half, who can be your better half. Let's not compare but let's be grateful for all the blessings you have with your spouse.

Give thanks not just being alive and kicking today but make it a way of life for every little good thing that comes your way! Be thankful to your spouse for being that special person to you, accepting you as you are (we're not perfect individually but we can achieve completeness together as a couple).

How about a thank you card/flower/gift or even a big hug to show how much your spouse means to you.

Perserverance

We live in an instant world. From the noodles world to fast food take away, wouldn't it surprise us that our thinking would follow suit?
We want quick relationships, swift understanding, and fast actions and give up on our spouses easily when we don't get things our way. Frustration sets in, blame game starts, edgy feelings builds at the flicker of a small misunderstanding.
Our relationship with our spouses is a journey, not something we take for a ride especially not our better half. The journey to the end requires perseverance, if I have it - I'll influence my half to develop it too, after all therein lies in our vows and commitment...through thick or thin, rain or shine. Does it provide any exceptions on moods, behavioural changes and weariness?
While all of us have that, let's not take it out on them and our kids - they're they to support not be punching bags.
Let's endeavour to persevere so we see the best in each other...most of the time!

Forgiveness

This can be particularly challenging and yes to a certain extent depending on what the issue is about.

What if its trivia matters at home, this can be forgiven and forgotten easily? What about attacks on personal behaviours or upbringing? Would that seem hard to forgive? These can sometimes be raised in arguments including name calling but in most books and counselling recommends refrain from these.

Address these immediately and I mean immediately, the longer both prolong the agony becomes embedded and will just explode unexpectedly causing even bigger furore.

Even the bible advocates not letting the sun go down on our anger. Many a times we've heard,"forgive and forget", the latter is hard to do humanly speaking. We're creatures of such especially more when some of these hurt us more and an occasion of such can wipe out ten other commendable things we've done for our spouses.

Why not FORGIVE and MOVE ON...

Friendship

I believe that my partner is my best friend...for life! I'm sure all of us would've thought, "Can I grow old with this person?", "Can I tolerate this person?" or "Can I have meaningful and mature conversations with him/her?", "Would I be able to laugh and share all sorts of emotions with this person whom I respect and adore as my spouse?"

Well, run through these questions and find out more about yourself.

1. How often do you talk about how your relationship is going? (I mean really frank discussion)
a. Always
b. Sometimes
c. Never

2. Do you share everything (time, energy, activities, caring for kids, spending time with in-laws) as couples would?
a. Always
b. Sometimes
c. Never

3. Do you think ever think "My other half can bother with the house chores, I have been overworked in the office and I deserve a break"
a. Always
b. Sometimes
c. Never

4. Would you ever let finances come between both of you?
a. Always
b. Sometimes
c. Never

5. Would you court your best friend again and again?
a. Always
b. Sometimes
c. Never

How about doing these questions with your spouse? I believe you'll have a wonderful time discussing this.

Vision

What's your vision for you and your spouse? What's your vision for your kids? How would you communicate this to them and with them? Or would you prefer to take it a day at a time, whatever will be will be? Or would you say, I'm in no control of the future. No one has, but you can make this journey more desirable, more blissful, more cherished.
Are you in a position to do that? Absolutely! The more you share this heartfelt and burning desire to your family that you long to see your marriage till the end communicates one thing... you're in it long term, through thick or thin rain or shine. Wasn't that even in our marriage vows?
Of course it takes two hands to clap. Why wait? Why not share it with them now?

Commitment

Those approaching marriages find this the hardest word to digest and may even shrink in fear. If we're so in love with our spouses and have already declared (remember while proclaiming our marriage vows), this shouldn't be a fearful objctive.

I'm sure our spouses can sense it, feel it even in our body language. Hey, it's not an easy task looking for the right partner and when you find one - treasure and appreciate him/her. Cherish them. This augers well for the wellbeing and self esteem of each other. You'll see it in your work, your communication with those around you.

So, embrace commitment wholeheartedly - it'll make the journey easier and more fulfilling!

What about honesty? Most people shrug when they see or hear this word? Have we been truly honest to our other half? Does it mean there shouldn't be any secrets between each other? Are you concerned a can of worms may be opened? Or shall the truth give each more meaning to trust between each other?

Enduring Relationship

Is it ever possible? I'm convinced it is.
Marriage problems, breakdown & divorces are so prevalent these days that most of us accept is as the norm. It need not be that way.
Would you like to take this journey with me and share your innermost thoughts on ways you've experienced in your marriage that's produce that joy you're currently enjoying?
What has worked for you? I know a deep understanding and constructive communication has worked for me.